“Ok, I’ll do it myself!”  This Little Red Hen seemed to characterize me, the martyr mom~

Well, a few months ago, I was blessed with a lovely puncture wound on my foot when I stepped on a toothpick, right at the most tired and nauseated spell of my pregnancy that seemed to debauch my earned image of Little Red Hen, hopefully forever!

This lovely incident was no fun, I hated not being able to clean my house…very well.  Riley suggested I ask the kids for more help.  The first day of this I was amazed at how much they really were willing to be gophers!  Still this got old quickly, and being slow and inefficient was extremely hard for me!

But I realize in hind sight that this moment was pivotal for me, as the pain of asking children to do work became less then the pain of feeling all alone and rather helpless.  I think most moms become the little red hen, because it is more emotional work to get their children to work, then it is to do the work themselves.  Previously, I had a few token tasks that out of convincing myself I was teaching my children to work, I suffered through having them do.  Now, I realize I am far more bossy, but the energy required in meeting with resistance is less now for me, because I have realized the reward that comes from feeling you are part of a team, even if you are still doing essentially the same amount of work but the ‘help’ really does help, because now you are not all alone in a never ending spiral of tasks that never are done, and outweighs the pain from the extra energy expended in petitioning help.  Besides I think my children are getting used to me asking them more frequently to pick up after themselves, run do this or that, etc, so the petitioning pain is becoming less energy consuming.

My friend sent me two sensational talks.  I put off reading them till it was not something on a checklist in my brain, but for when it was something my soul hungered for, and thus fulfilling.  These two talks were sensational so I want to share them for you, for you to refer back to on a day when your soul hungers for something of this nature.

This first talk, Family Work written by Kathleen Slaugh Bahr and Cheri A. Loveless, explains why God gave us work to accomplish as families.  Together, through work, family units learn selfless service and love, beginning with Adam and Eve.  These women then lead us to the Savior’s example in feeding the hungry, menially washing the feet and cleansing those around him, caring for the sick, etc; that we might look to Him in realizing the ultimate importance in humbly, lovingly and beautifully performing these basic, often most lowly, and hence most Godly, services.  These authors then bring us to the past describing  how families worked side by side in their survival as working team units, and how our world then revolutionized which upset many of these interdependent balances.  Still this talk doesn’t pine for the past, but explains how feeding, clothing, and cleaning needs still persist today as basic daily needs, and will never cease, and how we can choose to let these requirements cyclically bring us together, especially when we realize the importance of the process, and more importantly the process of doing the tasks together.

This second talk, My Home as a Temple, by Kristine Manwaring  describes how a she wanted her home to become as a temple, and because temples are reverently quiet, spotless, reflective and reverent, it was bringing her down when her own house seemed loud, chaotic, and never quite reaching spotless.  Her outlook transformed when she discussed with a friend who helped her to find the sacred in her own home; she began to see that the most menial tasks often brought the most beautiful outcomes.  While washing dishes side by side with her son, she found he would begin to talk to her about what was really happening in his day.  This woman realized that these ‘mundane’ and ‘repeating’ tasks required of us are actually fraught with many symbolic teaching moments, and in their motion and repetition, provide brain space to feed relationships if we decide to work side by side, that we might talk together, laugh together, learn and serve together, and in dispute, learn how to resolve problems together.

I don’t plan on being more and more bossy as I revolutionize away from the Little Red Hen, but I desire instead to recognize requirements for what they really can be.  If I can see doing laundry, not as my least favorite and even detested task, but a time to watch a movie together, listen to music, or just chat, while the kids or my husband sit by my side ‘helping’ me, why this could be really cool!  Atleast, the toothpick helped me realize the value of the feeling of not feeling all alone, and the talks have given me an understanding of what the tasks are designed to do by an all knowing and loving Creator…and this can give me a spring board for a change in attitude and perspective, which gives me a vision of how work can work can work for us….and change always begins with a vision…which if we continue to embrace correctly, can help us lead our family together to Christ and Salvation.

“Scaffolding is an instructional technique whereby the teacher models the desired learning strategy or task, then gradually shifts responsibility to the students.” (North Central Regional Educational Laboratory)

The graphs below sum up the process at an eye glance.  See “Gradual Release of Responsibility” for more images.

As described by the Turning Points by the Center for Collaborative Education, the “Gradual Release of Responsibility moves from

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Teacher Ownership——————–> Student Ownership

Just as we teach swimming by gradually removing supports (scaffolding) from students in order that they learn to be successful independent swimmers, we must teach literacy in the same way. For example, we know that activating prior knowledge allows someone to be a more proficient reader. The question then becomes how do we teach students to activate prior knowledge when they read. The answer? Teach the strategy explicitly using a gradual release of responsibility process.

First, by modeling the particular strategy.

• Second, by using the strategy in a large group setting with the teacher directly participating for direction and support.
• Third, by expecting students to use the strategy in small group settings with the teacher stepping back from direct participation in order to monitor the use of the strategy.
• Finally, by expecting each student to use the strategy independently while the teacher is monitoring the work both directly by observing students and indirectly by reviewing student work (logs, response journals, writing.)

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I’ll RUN WITH IT! As I became acquainted with this model as an elementary education major, I became fascinated at the sound reason I felt the principles imbued. Once a mother, I began to think about about educating my children, both spiritually as well as temporally with physical development and skills.  I decided that this was a good model to run my parenting by.  As the babe in my arms needed constant attention and required that I did everything for the infant, I would be the heavy handed parent who met the needs required.  As the infant grew into toddlerhood, childhood, teen age years and then adulthood, I would do less and less till my  ’bird’ left my ‘nest’, ready to ‘fly’.  In the beginning, the child’s choices would be strongly guided and heavily influenced by me, by offering choices that were restricted and simple (such as do you want your vegetables on the side, or mixed in) and as the children gained understanding and competency, I would release the responsibility of choice making eventually to the child entirely.

MY INTERPRETATION AS A HOME EDUCATOR: As a homeschooling mother, I wonder that most people I meet, don’t surmise that I am sheltering the child, which will hurt the child’s ability to gain independence in the end.  I believe that right now,  we are sheltering indeed, creating a shelter that provides the environment I choose, in the beginning when I choose for my influence to dominate the child’s life.  This we see as completely appropriate in the young and sensitive years.  As we see a child is ready to make wise decisions without constant guidance, then they will move to the next level of independence prescribed under the bullets above–we will have them participate in various groups or coops where mother’s influence floats in and out but is not dominate, allowing the child to have some parental support as they step toward social and academic independence.   Lastly, we will send them off to a setting where parental presence moves from instructor to mainly observer on the side-lines who cheers, routes, comforts, and corrects only when necessary.  As my husband and I work through these stages with our children, I believe this quote by Douglas Fisher, Ph. D; Professor of Language and Literacy at San Diego State University, (A Gradual Release of Responsibility, pg. 2) to be critical.  He states.  ”It is important to understand that the gradual release of responsibility is not linear.  Students move back and forth among each of the components as they master skills, strategies, and learning standards.”

DIFFERING PROCESSING of THE LATER STAGES: These latter stages are as critical in my opinion, as the beginning ones.  The child can experience a myriad of choices, yet process difficult situations and decisions with a parent, and thus learn valuable lessons that will steer the child to greater competency and adulthood characterized by integrity.  Because the steps aren’t necessarily linear, as prescribed by Dr. Douglas above, then as an adult discerns is best for the child, children can experience these independent settings coupled with adult conversation and processing, arbitrarily.

RELIGIOUS INFLUENCE on the DECISION, for our personal family, Respectively: On a religious standpoint, as a Latter Day Saint, we believe that a child is not accountable for their choices until they reach the age of eight.  See Moroni 8:22 and Doctrine and Covenants 68:27.  This is why tentavely, our family  would like to keep our  little ones close to mother where I can be their main influence, until their minds reach a state where they can reasonably discern incoming information.

IN SUMMARY, the PROCESS for our Family: My husband and I have decided to tentatively home-school our children during the most impressionable years, and acquaint them with rich, sweet and good curriculum that molds their inner character and creates a strong base from which to build their life from.  Then we plan to release them to small group opportunities led by differing trusted adults, in the form of schools, coops, extra curricular activities etc that surround them with various peers where they can be offered vaster opportunities and greater abilities for independent decision making.  Lastly we plan to provide them with various school settings where parents take the least amount of control, and the child is prepared to make many independent decisions that can be coached here and there as is necessary.